Eine Trauerkarte schreiben – Wie finde ich die richtigen Worte? | Bestswiss

Eine Trauerkarte schreiben – Wie finde ich die richtigen Worte?

Whether it’s a grandfather, sister or best friend: the loss of a loved one is painful. Accordingly, it is often a difficult undertaking to find the right words on a sympathy card in this situation – especially if you are grieving yourself. So that you are never at a loss for the right words in the future, in this article you will find the most important tips and wording examples for writing a sympathy card.

Comfort, sympathy and support

Not too upsetting and not too impersonal: the sympathy card offers a perfect middle ground between a visit at home and a text message. But what exactly is a sympathy card? The document, also known as a condolence or condolence card, is traditionally given to the bereaved at funerals – or sent to relatives afterwards. The card text fulfills three tasks: to provide comfort, to express sympathy and, if necessary, to offer support.

30 meters of condolences

The tradition of the mourning card goes back a long way: as early as the Middle Ages, condolences were expressed to mourners in writing – back then in the form of the so-called Totenrotel. This is a scroll of parchment wound on a wooden stick that was carried from monastery to monastery by a messenger when a monk died. Initially there was only a biography of the deceased on the roll, which was then supplemented in each monastery with a piece of parchment with a hand-written lament – a so-called elegy. When the Totenrotel returned to its original monastery after a few months or even years, it had often taken on enormous dimensions: the longest was 30 meters long. The length of the finished parchment scroll reflected the prestige of the deceased.

From construction to the finished card

What in the Middle Ages had to be laboriously put on parchment with a pen is now very easy: buy a card, grab a pen and you can start writing. But finding the right words is at least as difficult as it was around 1000 years ago. It can help to follow a basic structure of the mourning card: introduction, expression of sympathy, words of comfort and hope, personal words and conclusion. We have suggestions and writing tips for you for each of these parts.

Introduction made easy

Finding the right introduction for the sympathy card is probably the most difficult step. One way to overcome this challenge gracefully is to use a quote. The possibilities for metaphorically expressing the unsayable in this way are almost endless. To make your choice easier, we have put together the most popular and beautiful mourning sayings for you:

The most beautiful mourning sayings

The most beautiful monument a person can receive is in the hearts of those around them. (Albert Schweitzer)

Memory is a paradise from which we cannot be expelled. (Jean Paul)

What you have deep in your heart cannot be lost through death. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

When you look at the sky at night, you will feel as if all the stars are laughing because I am laughing on one of them. (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry).

The only important thing in life is the traces of love we leave behind when we leave. (Albert Schweitzer)

And my soul spread its wings wide, flew through the silent lands as if it were flying home. (Joseph von Eichendorff)

Whatever good a person puts out into the world is not lost. (Albert Schweitzer)

If you seek me, search your hearts. Once I have found a place to stay there, I will continue to live in you. (Rainer Maria Rilke)

Anyone who lives in the memory of their loved ones is not dead, they are just far away. Only those who are forgotten are dead. (Immanuel Kant)

Religious quotes

If the deceased was religious, quotes from devout scholars can also be used as mourning sayings, for example from the Bible or the Hindu scripture Bhagavad Gita:

My time is in your hands. (Psalm 31:16)

Bodies are only perishable; in them resides the eternal spirit, which is imperishable and unlimited. (Bhagavad Gita)

I put myself, body and soul, trustingly into your hands, because you have redeemed me, faithful God. (Psalm 31:6-7)

In the sea of ​​life, sea of ​​death, tired in both, my soul seeks the mountain where all the tide ebbs away. (Buddhist mourning poem)

What was on earth is no longer important, you fill my heart, I belong to you forever and ever. (Psalm 73:24-25)

God’s light shines in the darkness. And no matter how dark it has become, this light will not go out. (Gospel of John 1:5)

Just as a person takes off old clothes and puts on new ones, the soul gives up bodies that have become old and unusable and takes on new ones. (Bhagavad Vita)

God is closest to those who are brokenhearted. (Jewish proverb)

Nobody lives for themselves; no one dies alone. In life and in death we belong to God together. (Romans 14:7-9)

But now faith, hope, love, these three remain; but love is the greatest among them. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

Introduction without quotations

If you would prefer to start your sympathy card in text form instead, you can find suggestions here:

The news of the death of such a dear person hit us hard. You have our deepest sympathy.

We have just learned of your loss and would like to let you know that we feel for you during this difficult time.

The news of the death [deceased] has also reached us. On the occasion of this difficult hour, we would like to express our heartfelt condolences to you.

We would also like to say goodbye to [the deceased] with silent sympathy.

We were saddened to learn that [deceased person] recently passed away. We share this difficult loss with you and send you our sincere condolences.

Keyword compassion

After the introduction is out of the way, let’s move on to the main part of the map. It is particularly important here to express compassion without sounding exaggerated. The following applies: quality over quantity. It’s better to keep it short and only write things that you can completely identify with – meaningless phrases don’t belong on a sympathy card. The most important thing: Put yourself in the relatives‘ shoes and show understanding for their feelings. This is best achieved with warm and understanding formulations. You can find some examples of this here:

Our thoughts are with you and we wish you with all our hearts that together you will find enough strength for the time of grief.

Everything has it’s time. Give yourself the time you need to get over his/her death. We are here for you and will get through this time with you.

Words cannot express the pain you are going through right now. With [deceased], such a loving and unique person has left us. We are also full of sadness and at the same time full of compassion for you and your relatives.

At the end of an earthly journey you find sadness, tears and suffering. But also the certainty that love connects across all borders. Our heartfelt condolences on your painful loss!

In the difficult time of grief, we would like to be there for you – in thoughts, with a handshake, a hug and shared memories.

Eternal life – in memory

Just as important as words of compassion are words of comfort and hope. The same applies here: don’t overdo it. Because hopeful words – no matter how well-intentioned they are – quickly seem artificial. Remember that the deceased lives on in the hearts of those close to them. So that you can do this without much effort, here are some examples of wording:

Even though the future is still dark, it gets a little brighter with every day that comes. We hope that you will see the beam of light at some point and be able to think back with fond memories of the wonderful time.

We wish you a lot of strength for the coming weeks and that you never lose hope despite the overwhelming sadness.

Nothing is more difficult than letting a loved one go forever. But the belief that [the deceased] is not gone forever, that he/she lives on forever in your thoughts and memories, provides comfort.

We wish you strength and hope for this time. No one can take your memory away from you.

Provide comfort with personal memories

If you knew the deceased person closely, add experiences and anecdotes that you associate with them to the sympathy card. Whether it’s an eventful ride on a vintage motorcycle or the weekly telephone conversation about God and the world: memories that the loved one has left with other people give comfort to the relatives – and show them that they are not alone in their grief. So ask yourself: What connects me to the deceased person? What are my fondest memories of him? This turns your sympathy card into a very personal consolation. Here are three suggestions for stylishly framing your anecdotes:

We will remember [the deceased] with gratitude and affection. Then as now she/he was so helpful and filled with love. Just remember […]. We will never forget this experience.

A person who has always done such good things is gone. I still remember as if it were yesterday how we were together […]. Someday we will meet again. Until then, the loving memories will have to suffice.

We will never forget the combative nature of [the deceased] and his/her commitment to […]. Do you remember when […]? I wish that [the deceased] lives on in heaven – at least in our memories she/he is always present.

The fitting conclusion

Once the main part has been written, you have practically mastered the “Sympathy Card Challenge”. To make it easy for you to complete the card, we have put together the most common closing phrases for you – after that, all that is missing is your signature.

With compassionate sympathy

Connected with you in your grief

With the most sincere wishes

Heartfelt sympathy

Offer sincere condolences

Our deepest condolences

I wish you lots of strength

What should be avoided?

Every person is different, every person grieves differently – this should also be reflected in the content of the mourning card. However, there are things that should definitely not be included in a sympathy card. Above all, avoid wording like this:

“She/he was so young”: Instead of providing comfort, this statement awakens and emphasizes painful memories.

“Everything has a reason”: Words like these may be well-intentioned, but they hardly help the relatives in their grief.

“God has his hand over everything”: Similar to the above formulation, a reference to a higher power does not help grieving people – in the worst case, those affected feel completely misunderstood in their grief.

“You will feel better in a few weeks”: Every person grieves differently – show understanding for different periods of grief.

“I know exactly how you feel”: Even if you have also lost someone close to you, you can never know exactly how another person feels in this situation.

The right shipping time

The sympathy card has been written – but when is the best time to send it? The answer to that is simple: as soon as possible. Consoling words, offers of support and bright expressions are essential for those affected to cope with their grief, especially in the first days and weeks after the painful loss. If a sympathy card reaches the relatives too late, it can reactivate feelings that have already been processed. Therefore: send the card as soon as it is written.

the essentials in brief

So that you can get an overview while writing, we have put together the most important tips and tricks for you here:

good introduction – successful card: Getting started is particularly easy with a quote;

When writing, use the following basic framework: introduction, expression of compassion, words of hope, personal anecdote and conclusion;

Avoid empty phrases – quality trumps quantity;

be understanding, warm and compassionate;

With memories and anecdotes that connect you with the deceased, your card conveys a particularly comforting closeness;

Avoid using phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “I know exactly how you feel”;

end the card in style with a final sentence;

The condolence card is essential for the relatives to process their grief – so write it as early as possible.

The paper makes the message

From the comforting content to the right shipping time, we now have everything together. But isn’t there something else missing? Of course: the right card. What’s the point of thinking about content if you don’t have anywhere to write it down? When buying the condolence card, you should especially make sure that the quality of the material is right. Cheap-looking paper destroys even the most meaningful words written in the most beautiful handwriting.

A card motif for all occasions

When selecting the card motif, care should be taken to ensure that it suits the recipient. You have an almost unlimited choice. Whether it’s a Bible quote or a cross: many cards are printed with religious motifs. However, these are only suitable if the person concerned and their relatives are open to religion or religious attitudes. If this is not the case, there are plenty of alternatives – from still water to gentle leaves to a simple saying. Whether religious or neutral, with a saying or without: you can find a selection of suitable motifs from the diverse card universe of the manufacturer ABC here . Let yourself be inspired.

Not all writing pens are the same

Once the card has been selected, all that is missing is the appropriate writing utensil. The same applies here: quality decides. A cheap ballpoint pen writes poorly even on the highest quality card paper – an investment in a quality product is worth it. Especially since this product will be your loyal companion for years to come. From elegant to classic to unusual: You can find a selection of pens from the Bestswiss range here .

The card as an alternative to digital communication

Whether SMS or online cemetery: In addition to the sympathy card, there are numerous other ways to express condolences. Particularly in times of digitalization, the handwritten card is increasingly taking a back seat – one might think. But many relatives can still enjoy a handwritten consolation. So what makes the handwritten sympathy card so special? Your most important advantage: the higher expenditure is a sign of appreciation for the relatives. While an SMS can be sent within a few seconds, it takes significantly more time from selecting the motif to finding the appropriate final sentence until a card is ready to be sent. In addition, unlike its digital competitors, it lasts a lifetime. Anyone who receives a card can enjoy the consoling words years later.

Text: Daniela Waser, Bestswiss

Sources:

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beileidskarte

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Totenrotel

http://www.abaelard.de/060020rotel.htm

https://www.stilvolle-grabsteine.de/ratgeber/trauerkarten-schreib/

https://www.stilvolle-grabsteine.de/ratgeber/religioese-trauersprueche/

http://trauersprueche.com/trauerkarte/einleitung/

Kondolenzschreiben: 10 Texte & 20 Kondolenzsprüche + 8 Tipps